excerpt 1 from letters

and my own "projects"-- well, one thing i know about them is that i stress myself out more about my cynicism/ skepticism/ fear of wasting time more than trying to do some concrete work. i want to write, either my own stuff or in some newspaper, i want to work, somewhere (e.g. in a bistro), and i also want to take lessons in vibraphone (jazz) and drumsets--- right now all these things haven't really begun yet, because most fundamentally i seemed to be at a loss, feeling lonely at heart and not particularly energized by my being here [in Berlin]